As hard as they try, (our minds), they often get their wires crossed. In fact, a lot of the time they get their wires crossed. The mind loves to narrate our life through predictions, past memories, could’s, should’s, all sorts of opinions and judgments. It loves to tell stories about how we should feel about certain things, when it’s okay to feel a certain way and when it’s not okay to feel a certain way. How we should cruise through life according to it’s ideas and plans and when or how we should get there.
What it doesn’t know, however, is that life is energy moving through us. Our moment to moment and day to day experience of being alive is us feeling energy brought to life via our consciousness, in the form, of thought. And our mind is the clever machine that narrates that energy, once it’s taken form as thought, bringing much confusion to us.
It confuses us because instead of the energy staying as energy passing through us, it’s now taken form as, “I’m a bad Mom,” “I should feel guilty for taking some time to myself,” “I should feel this way instead of that way.” Our minds label our experience very innocently because that’s what minds do. They try and help us find our way through life by navigating our journey, without realizing, we’re actually okay. Without realizing, that underneath the chatter lies our wisdom- our intuition- our soul. That it’s always there, here, with us, gently guiding our way.
Now…we are human, that’s a fact. We are all human with these incredible machines called brains who really do a lot of truly amazing things for us. We need them to function, to help us move our fingers and toes, to help us get in our cars and drive to work, to help us decide what to have for dinner. They’re truly fascinating, intricate machines. Thank goodness we have them. What we need to remember, though, that machines need maintenance and machines aren’t perfect, (most of them anyway).
And in the absence of perfection lays a little something we have come to label anxiety. We have come to label it as such because it’s a universal name for the feeling we get when our machines get their wires crossed. When our machines tell us how we should feel rather than allow us to feel how we feel. When our machines tell us stories of how things should be versus allow them to unfold at a soulful level.
And this is all fine. Totally fine. It is okay. We are human. We are here to be human. We are not robots and we are not perfect.
If we were always able to stay at the level in which the energy passes through and simply feel it, that would be life as it is. That would be living in alignment with our souls. That is ultimately, where we are meant and built to live. But, because we’re human, our minds sometimes take us on all sorts of adventures on all sorts of different rides.
But that’s okay, that’s life, we’re human, that is very common and very normal for humans.
A huge part of my post partum experience became difficult when my mind spoke louder than my wisdom and I so innocently listened. My mind had all sorts of ideas about Motherhood, what it was like, what it wasn’t like, how easy or hard it was and wasn’t, and what kind of a mom I should or shouldn’t be. Just, to name a few. A very few.
I stopped paying attention to who I knew I was, and got caught up listening to my minds ideas. I got caught up listening to my minds ideas of how life was supposed to be and I got caught up listening to incessant records it played on repeat. I mean, how could I not when it played them 500 times a day. I’m sure any human who listened to the same song on repeat that many times would end up getting the lyrics stuck in their head.
It’s almost like I became more accustomed to listening to the records that that became the norm. I became more comfortable being uncomfortable that I began to feel like that’s just how life was.
But I was wrong. I was so wrong. I was so confused. I was so scared. Looking back, I now want to say, “Bless you child, for you were simply innocent to the truth.” It still brings tears to my eyes, the pain I was in, because I was doing the absolute best I could to navigate through muddy waters, with a brand new baby whom I knew nothing about. I was doing my absolute best, just like you are dear Warrior, just like you.
I forgot that humans are built to feel good, and when we feel bad, our emotions are trying to navigate us back to our home base, our place of peace where we belong. Our soul.
I was innocent because I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know that feeling scared, feeling confused, feeling sad, and feeling overwhelmed was far from the truth. I didn’t know that these feelings stemmed from my thinking and that my thinking stemmed from my mind.
I didn’t know that I, Me, am my sweet soul and I didn’t know that I, Me, felt like love and like peace. I forgot that life was meant to feel good and not meant to feel bad. I forgot that my soul had the answers all along, that my soul was guiding me, and that all I had to do was pay attention. I forgot that when I felt bad my mind was talking and my heart was underneath the chatter. I simply, forgot.
I had little reminders here and there though. From time to time my mind would clear. I would have glimpses of who I was deep down and I would have glimpses of feeling like myself. I’d experience little pockets of peace throughout the day and I’d experience smiles on my face when my beautiful child smiled up at Me. I’d shine through the pain and feel normal for a while. I’d feel my mind relax before it sped up. It’s just that I forgot that the glimpses of peace and smiles and good feelings were Me, who I am, and I’d think I was the fear and the sadness. I took credit for my mind and owned it’s ideas like they were mine.
And this is where I want to help save you a lot of anguish and a lot of sadness. I want to help save you a lot of anxiousness and a lot of fear. I want to help you feel good and in alignment with who you really are.
Who we really are is love and peace and feeling good. When we are in alignment with our hearts and our souls, we feel good.
There is love. There is only love and there is only peace. There is kindness and good feelings. The only thing we ever have to do it be aware and pay attention to the feelings.
When we are aware of the emotions running through our body, we are guided and shown exactly what our souls desire and who we really are and what we really want. Exactly what we want to know. Exactly where were meant to be. Who were meant to be with. What were meant to be doing. We have all the answers to the “big” questions our minds want to know. They are within us, or they will come to us.
Our souls are kind. they speak softly and soundly, and all we ever have to do is listen.
I had so many ideas about Motherhood, about my relationship, about our relationship to parenthood, about who I was and who I wasn’t. My mind had so many ideas.
But I started believing in myself again. I started using my emotions as a guide. I started listening to my heart, my wisdom, my soul and believing in it’s power. I started to see that I am not my minds ideas. I started to see that I am more powerful, more kind, more peaceful, more filled with love, more compassionate, and more capable of giving love than my mind could ever be.
I started seeing that I, am, Me.
And you dear Warrior, are you.