Dear Anxiety: Thank You. I Love You.

Dear Warriors,
I wanted to share with you an intimate letter I wrote a while back when I was recovering, where I speak to my fears as if they were my friends, my best friends. Why? Because when we honour them, when we address them for what they are, they take on a softer approach. They help us see that they’re not so scary after all, and they help us see that they are simply trying to do us a favour. They try and send us messages that we can’t always explain because they are irrational; they are nonsensical ideas from our brain that we innocently get caught taking seriously, because we’re human. We innocently forget that we’re in charge, and that we don’t have to take them seriously because they are not us, and we are not them.

Dear Anxiety: Thank You, I Love You.

I wanted to take a moment out of my day (which even seems unfair because you used to visit me all the time) to say thank you. I love you.

First and foremost, I wanted to thank you for checking to make sure that my relationship was in good standing. It was very kind of you to check in over this past year to make sure that we were safe, that we were good parents together, that there was nothing wrong with us. I remember that day well, the first day when you suggested that there could be something wrong.

I felt so heartbroken. I felt so devastated. I felt so confused. I took your suggestions very seriously and I mistakenly believed them to be true. Over, and over, and over. But I know better now. I know now that you were just trying to help, so I forgive you. I forgive you for your suggestions and I know that you meant well. 

And I have to tell you… We are getting married next year! I am excited, and honoured, and so thankful that you were there to help and aid in the process. In that sense, you were a godsend. You have nitpicked and made sure that I am okay, that we are okay. You have checked and rechecked, suggested and talked about things that I would never have thought of.  For this, I thank you.

And now for my Daughter…

Don’t even get me started on my Daughter. I am only barely going to scratch the surface when I try and put into words the half of what you have done for us, because I could not even possibly begin to describe what you have done for her, for me, and for her and I. 

Ohmygosh, you were incredible. From everything that could possibly potentially cause harm to her or harm to me. You thought of everything! And I mean, everything! To the things could do or not do, to the things that could happen to us, to the things I never could have thought up in my wildest imagines…You did anxiety, you did. You covered all the bases and you made sure that I was aware of everything. You made it possible for me to exhaust every possible bad thing that could happen. So thank you. Never in my life could I have expected you to do such a great job like this, never. You bring tears to my eyes even now because of everything you have done to make sure that we were safe. How could I ever thank you enough for this? You are everything I could have hoped for in a bodyguard.

I want to thank you here and now for being so kind and generous and persistent and thoughtful with your ideas, but I have realized that I can, and as a result have, taken my power back. In fact, I graciously stepped into it long ago, but I realized that I forgot to tell you. In fact, I never left it, it was with me all along, because I am it and it is Me. I am made of it. It has never, and will never, go anywhere, but, you seemed intriguing and you seemed important and I felt as though I should listen to you. And for that, I apologize. I didn’t mean to make you work harder by innocently drawing you in and I didn’t mean to make you keep feeling like you had to come back. I didn’t mean to make a big deal out of your suggestions, I was innocent. I was so innocent, please forgive Me. 

However, I want you to know that I am grateful because I wouldn’t be where I am today without you.

I wouldn’t have gained the courage, built the strength, cultivated the hopes, rode on the faiths, created the connections, looked inside myself, and realized that I am safe without you. None of this, none of this would have been possible without you. I wouldn’t be where I am today, full of peace, full of love, full of hopes and full of dreams, full of strength, full of courage, if it wasn’t for you. Thank god for you. 

And you know what dear Anxiety? I appreciate you. I appreciate you bending and twisting and testing my limits like that. I appreciate you having me take a look at myself, and I appreciate you helping me grow and evolve in ways which I wouldn’t have done if it wasn’t for you.

But I am here to let you know that I am okay. I am more than okay, I am full of love and I am ready to let you go. I am safe without you. I have all the love I ever- and have ever- needed right here inside me.

I am so safe. I am so loved. I am so secure.

I am love. I am made of love, and it has never, and will never, go anywhere. I have innocently bought your stories over my own, but I need not do that anymore, because I am the answer. I am what I have been searching for. I am my greatest gift. I am what I long for and I am what I dream of. I am all of the reassurance that I ever need.

I am love.

Thank you, I love you

 ______________________________________________

Anxiety is nothing more than innocent suggestions from our brain, an older part of our brain that is clever, but not so wise. It’s very good at repeating patterns when it thinks it’s being helpful.

Like most, I got caught in a trap believing and feeling that it’s suggestions were real, that it’s suggestions were important, and that it’s suggestions we’re something that I needed to take seriously. Very seriously.

I got caught many a times over in it’s trap because I kept feeling the thoughts generated by my anxiety as if they were truth. I kept feeling them as if they were truth because they were loud and scary and very persistent.

And I very innocently lost sight of what it means to be human in the process. I lost sight of the fact that humans were made and built to feel, that they were made and built to feel their thinking. That more matter what they think and feel, thoughts and emotions are safe.

I also very innocently lost sight of who I knew I was down deep, because I kept innocently getting hooked in by my brains suggestions.

However, what I know now is that we are not our thoughts and our thoughts are not a reflection of who we are, they are merely energy being generated in the line of our awareness and because we are human, because we are conscious, they look and feel real. They look and feel as if they are truth because they are what we see in front of us. They are what we feel in our bodies through our emotions. They are what we see in front of us making it look and feel like they are reality.

When in fact, they are not. And our thoughts being real, could not be further from reality. They are energy temporarily taking form, just as the clouds do in the sky, but just like the clouds in the sky the energy dissipates, naturally on it’s own and we feel “like ourselves” again.

We feel like “ourselves” again because our thinking, and us feeling our thinking, is not who we are. It would be like saying a cloudy day is permanent and that every cloud in the sky is going to stay the same shape, take the same form and be there forever. And we all know that not to be true, right?

And that’s exactly how our thinking works. Our thoughts always change and flow, they never take the same shape and they are never permanent.

If you can see how this all happens in the sky, then you will be able to see how this all happens inside of you. The two are different, yet the same.

And just like with every cloudy day, the sun will always shine again. And just like with every thought-taking-form in the line of your consciousness, your mind will clear and you will see again. You will find the relief you were searching for outside of you inside of you, and you will once again see, how the inherent design of being human works.

So when you take your thoughts seriously, remember that it’s like thinking a cloudy day will last forever and I know you know that not to be true.

So please dear Warrior, forgive yourself for you are simply being human.

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