I wanted to talk to you about a sneaky little word that pops up in my brain from time to time in case you hear it too.
It pops up when I am tired, and it pops up when I least expect it. It tends to creep up on me and into my perfectly happy-the-way-it-is-life when things are in fact peaceful and going well because it hasn’t always been used to life being as quiet as it is now.
And sneaky little word I am referring to is “enough.”
Last week I caught my mind innocently telling me that I was something other than enough. That what I was doing on a daily basis was something other enough.
It spat out tons of crazy ideas to back this up, and it spat out tons of crazy ideas as to why I should listen. It went on and on about what enough is and on and on about what enough means and on and on about what enough should “look like.”
It said that I could probably put more on my plate than I sometimes do. It said that I could probably do certain things at a faster pace than I sometimes do. It said that I could probably clean and cook and fold more than I do. (Yea right, brain).
All implying that who I am and what I do is not enough.
When I was in the heart of my post partum anxiety the content of its’ suggestions were geared toward what being a “good enough Mum” meant. However, since I have seen through that generous set of concerns, it now gears its’ content toward whatever it honestly thinks I need to hear, (out of love, of course). It is however, far less aggressive and loud and much more subtle and quiet. A little more like background noise.
But I don’t blame it to be honest. I gave it attention for over a decade or more.. innocently buying into its’ stories of:
Not being good enough
Not being cared about enough
Not being loved enough
Not being successful enough
Not being…you name it, fill in the blank, enough…
It is no wonder it pipes up from time to time. It’s very protective of me after believing those things for so many years.
I’ve been innocently feeding it false evidence far more than it needs, and I’ve been innocently believing it’s stories to be true. So much so that when it talks I sometimes naturally still listen. So much so that when it talks I can predict what it’s going to say. So much so that its’ records have become second nature.
They, (the records), have become a habitual patterns of mine when I’m tired, or when I’m at peace, or when my minds’ simply bored. They have become habitual patterns over multiple years of innocent misunderstanding. They have become habitual patterns to always keep me on my toes; to always keep keep my heart guarded.
I am sure they started once with a silly idea. A silly idea that I innocently took seriously. A silly idea that said I had to do things perfectly, a silly idea that’s lead me astray in more ways than one.
But I have since forgiven myself because I have always done the very best I can at life with the thinking I’ve had, because that’s what us humans know how to do.
And what I learned over the years, through forgiveness and healing, is that despite what “they” say, old habits do not have to do hard.
What I have learned over the years is that we innocently get caught following our minds’ patterns because they give us direction when they think we need it, but we don’t have to listen. We don’t have to listen because we are not our minds and they are not us. Their patterns and ideas are attempts to keep us safe, but they go against the grain of our wisdom and do not align with who we are. They mean very well with their attempts and suggestions, but they do not know that underneath their brilliant ideas we are safe from suffering by nature. They do not know that our wisdom and souls would never say such a thing, and they do not know that our wisdom and souls would never speak anything but love.
They do not know that who we are beneath their patterns is pattern-less and free, a clean slate and a pure soul. They do not know that we are fine, that we are far more than fine, that we are far more than enough. They do not know that we have everything within to put one foot in front of the other and they do not know that we have everything within to guide us on our journeys.
So I am here to tell you that if you ever get caught feeling less than, like I did, you can take your power back. You can take your power back because who we are underneath our minds’ chatter, at our core, in our authenticity, far surpasses it’s expectations, judgments, ideas, and opinions. Who we are underneath is love and light and full of miraculous things. Who we are is on the right path and exactly where we’re meant to be. Who we are, and where we are, and what we’re doing, is all a part of life’s bigger picture.
Who we are underneath is a soul full of freedom. A soul full of peace and more than enough. Who we are underneath wants to be set free and who we are underneath would never say such a things.
It would say that we are beautiful and perfect and loved far and wide. It would say that we are more than good enough that in fact we are great.
It would say everything with love, for love is it’s language. It would say, that we are not meant to live life from our heads, for we are meant to live it from our hearts.
I can certainly appreciate that it does not always feel this way, because we’re all human of course. From time to time we get caught listening to the noise of it’s chatter. We get caught scavenger hunting for evidence to back up its’ great ideas and we get caught trying to problem solve even when there is nothing to solve. That’s called: being human. So please dear Warrior, if you’re anything like Me, don’t be too hard on yourself, forgive yourself for being human, we’re all doing the best we can with the thinking we’ve got.