It was in my own trap and it felt very, very real. For a few hours I forgot what it’s like to be human. I made the innocent mistake of thinking, for little while anyway, that I was superhuman.
I forgot that as a human I come preconceived with a gamut of emotions that are meant to be felt. I forgot that as a human not every day I feel sunshine and rainbows and that sometimes I feel rain and thunderstorms too. I forgot that together, these feelings make up the human experience and that every day is a little different.
I got caught thinking that there was something wrong with me because I was feeling. I got caught thinking that I wasn’t supposed to feel the way I did, and I got caught thinking it should be another way.
I felt lost. I felt overwhelmed. I felt blue.
I questioned my feelings as if they were out of place and I questioned them as if they didn’t belong, like they were strangers intruding where they weren’t welcome.
And then I remembered something very important.
I remembered that humans are made to feel. I remembered there is no right or wrong way to feel and I remembered that feelings are temporary.
I remembered that feelings come and go like clouds in the sky. I remembered that underneath those clouds there is a ray of sunshine and most of all- I remembered- that those beautiful rainbows I speak of, those beautiful rainbows are simply not possible without a little rain.
So I made a decision. I went for run and ran like the wind. I expelled my excess physical energy and released my excess mental energy in one. I took in a heavy dose of nature. I decided if that was going to be the one thing I did that day, (besides cuddle my daughter,) then I had a successful day.
I took control. And I decided to change nothing. I realized that I was – and always will be – imperfectly human. Perfect, exactly as I am. In every moment. All the time.
A person who, without a shadow of a doubt, experiences ups and downs and inbetweens. A person who, without a shadow of a doubt feels what it feels like to live. A person who, without a shadow of a doubt, sometimes tries to run from feeling and then remembers it’s perfectly okay to stay.
I am here to be human. I am here to feel life’s wild rides. I am here to learn and grow.
Will you grow with me?