The truth is in the feeling.

 

Dear Warrior,

Being human is so ridiculous sometimes. From one day to the next we feel one thing and then it completely changes to another. We feel so strongly toward something on Monday and by Tuesday we have forgotten what all the fuss was about.

This even happens on a smaller scale. One hour we’re so upset about something, and then the phone rings and it’s someone saying we’ve got a paid day off. And one minute we’re so angry that we stubbed our toe, and then we see a beautiful butterfly fluttering in the garden and we forget why we’re in pain.

Sure, there are factors that change the way we think, and what happens to us, but the commonality in everything is that our thinking changes. We think one thing, therefore we feel one thing. We think another thing, therefore we feel another thing. Again. and Again. And again.

As humans, we are constantly feeling our thinking, what’s on our mind at the present moment, and then that thinking changes, so long as we don’t hold it in place.

I’ll use myself as an example.

One moment I’m overwhelmed craving some “Me” time away from my baby so I can have a breather, the next minute my heart aches because I can’t stand the thought of being away from her for too long. You see, she’s still sitting right in front of me, absolutely nothing she has done has changed, but my thinking about her has changed. I am anxious and overwhelmed at the thought of no break, and then I am overcome with heartache at the thought of her being gone.

This is how being human works. This is how we experience being alive. This is how and why we feel so many things from one moment to the next. Because we are human, and we feel our thinking 100% of the time simply by being alive. It’s part of our inherent design.

What is also part of our inherent design is what’s beyond our thinking. It is US that is beyond our thinking. It is US that is feeling our thinking. It is US that is noticing our ever changing state and experiencing the emotions that come along with it. It is US that is able to notice what is going on around us and it is US that is able to feel present and love at any given moment.

You see, we are always there. We are always filled with as much love, and as much joy as we ever need, but the innocent interesting thing that we all face, is that we get caught in our thinking, and that thinking feels real. 

It’s kind of cool actually. I mean, life would probably be really boring if we were constantly feeling one way and never feeling another. I know sometimes when my mind is fixated on a certain something, a certain subject that feels unpleasant, it feels very real. And I feel very much like there is a problem. And then, then the magic of our design happens: my mind clears, and I am very clearly and able to see that I was in a daymare. Kind of like a nightmare, but I was awake. Feeling my thinking.

One of the most amazing things about being human is this ability. The ability to think. The ability to feel. The ability to feel what we think. It really is like we’ve got our own version of a movie playing constantly. And then the movie ends, we sit back and relax for a while until the next one plays.

I know I am very guilty of taking my thinking and daymares very seriously sometimes and it looks like there are very serious problems in my life. And then the sun shines, my mind clears (on it’s own, because that’s what minds do), I hit the pavement in the Mama train (stroller), breathe in the fresh air around me and boom. What was the problem again?

Trust me when I say, I totally understand like it seems more complex than this. That’s what I thought too. And sometimes, when I’m taking my thoughts seriously, I still do.

But time and time and time again, when Im sure there’s a flaw in the system, the system proves my chatty mind wrong again, and again, and again.

My mind wants to say, “Seriously, this is for real,” and then butterfly comes, and my mind clears, then my heart shines.

I’m not saying there are never any problems, ever, there certainly are a lot of problems. If there was a cougar running after me and my baby, that would be a problem. But, if that were to happen Im sure I would not be constantly in my head ruminating over what I thought about it. And then adding more thought about whether it was actually true or not.

I would react. I don’t know what I would do, but I would probably use every ounce of my being to do the best I could to save us.

And I can promise you, the difference is in the feeling. When we are feeling bad, anxious, overwhelmed, etc, we are spending too much time playing the characters in our movie and trying to direct at the same time. We are in our thoughts and not in our hearts. 

It is when we let go, we embrace, and we allow ourselves to feel our thinking and return to our peaceful state that we see and feel what is really happening. We see and feel life before us. And we see and feel that we are okay. We see and feel that we are much more okay than we may think or feel.

And if there is ever a problem, or you’re being chased by a cougar, you react with your wisdom. You react from a place that knows best and feels good. You react from a place of just knowing.

It’s like the other day, when I was giving my daughter a bath. Her new obsession happens to be with trying to drink from the tap that sits above the bathtub. Unfortunately, we all know bathtubs when wet are not the best place to practice our learning to stand skills while multitasking with a bath toy in one hand and a tongue to a tap. Needless to say, while I was trying to keep up with her and her new discoveries she almost slipped. Thank god I reacted fast enough before there was any damage done.

This is simply where the difference lies. My ruminating thoughts before the incident took place were similar: would she slip, could she hit her head, could she drown etc, and I thought, and I thought, and I thought, until I felt the pressure of those thoughts in the form of anxiety. And then the real incident happened… and there was no thinking, no ruminating, no imaginary horror scenes, there was simply reacting.

Are you beginning to see the difference?

We are made of love. We are made of peace. We are made of wisdom. We are made, this way. No more simple, and no more complex than that. When we are beginning to feel “not like ourselves,” it is simply an indication that we are in our thinking and that thinking feels real.

The truth, is in the feeling. Peace, is truth and all else, is simply, illusory. 

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