There’s something I need you to know, and I need you to know it as of yesterday.
It weighs heavily on my heart and it’s a message I need to bring forth to you, so that you can be abundantly clear on this innocently misguided topic:
You are not broken. You don’t need fixing. And you are by no means “crazy.”
When I was in the throws of my postpartum anxiety, and my anorexia too, I thought the opposite were true.
I thought for sure I must have been the only Mother in the entire world experiencing such uncomfortable thoughts and feelings about her Daughter.
I thought for sure my anorexia was somehow ingrained in me and was going to be a part of me forever.
I thought for sure that I must have been broken in multiple different ways, and I thought I must have needed some serious fixing.
Did it date back to childhood? Which part should I fix first? Where should I start? My mind swirled with questions and then swirled with answers.
But my innocent misunderstanding couldn’t have been further from the truth.
I was overwhelmed and uncomfortable, and of course very tired, but I was very much there, before and underneath my minds idea of brokenness.
Looking back, the only ever constant truth was that my mental health and well being was very clearly present and with me at all times. I saw that if I were truly what my mind said I was, then it wouldn’t feel so bad to believe it.
The highly uncomfortable feelings of anxiety, sadness, high highs and low lows were telling me what was happening. They were telling me that I had innocently believed my mind over my heart. They were telling me that I had innocently forgotten who I was underneath my protective ego’s ideas. They were telling me that I had innocently forgot to believe in myself during a time where believing in myself could have made all of the difference.
When there’s a life changing event, like when I brought my new baby home, our minds are most likely going to have something to say. They are most likely going to have a lot to say, and they are most likely going to spend some time adjusting to the new norm.
But it’s not the content of what they’re saying that matters the most. It’s the fact that they’re saying something at all. What’s to see is that when our minds are very busy, it’s not always a great idea to pay attention to what they are saying, or to take their ideas seriously.
They are only ever trying to help. They are only ever trying to be our friends. They are only ever watching out for us because they love us, and want to protect us, and want what’s best for us.
But they get confused.
They forget that we are whole, and peaceful, and perfectly capable of running our lives without their running commentary.
They mean well. Very well.
But it’s not their job to take charge and empower us through our healing journeys and lives. It’s ours.
It’s our job to remember who we are. It’s our job to take our power back. It’s our job to show ourselves the love, the grace, and the compassion that we deserve. It’s our job to say thank you brain for being of such high service, I love you, but I can do this.
I can take care of Me. I can see that I am okay. I am not broken. I don’t need fixing.
Because it’s not about fixing, or changing, or being broken, it’s about unraveling our minds ideas and stories, and journeying home to who we really are beneath them. Who we’ve always been; the childlike nature we were born into, below and above, our brains patterns. The part of us who already knows this.
It’s our job to see that we are only human after all, and we were graced with these gifts called thoughts and feelings for various reasons.
To enjoy life. To feel life. To be life. To experience life. To fall down. To get up. To be human.
It is our job to see that we share the incredibly powerful, universal wisdom within us, the feeling of just knowing, that who we are is far greater, far wiser, far more loving than our minds will ever know. It is our job to see that we both share the incredibly powerful ability to take whatever comes our way and feel it, and rise above it.
We have the power within us to end our suffering, to change our lives.
Sometimes I like to think there’s something special about Me, but there’s not. I have cultivated my strengths, and you can cultivate yours too. I did it, and I want you to know that you can too.
I know it doesn’t always come easy, it doesn’t always for me either, but that’s okay, we’re human. It takes practice, and it takes courage listening to our hearts, our intuition, and ours truths over our minds, especially when they are working so hard doing what they’re so good at, but my point is that it’s possible. So please dear Warrior, believe in yourself like I believe in you. You were born with these abilities, and you were born for greatness.